Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Note Books For Thoughts

I was four (Eli six) when our parents divorced... As my father tried, in his own distant way, to ease our transition into our new, "single parent lifestyle", it was my mother who took on the responsibility of answering questions, coming up with age appropriate explanations, reassuring our souls, and calming our quizzical hearts. Thankfully, We were both very young, and transitioned as swimmingly as one could ask for. The fact of the matter is that our home was never really picturesque, and Dad disappearing for a bit was not out of the norm. Even so, my heart would ache for both of my parents.
Looking back into my vault of memories, I can come up with three major tools that helped with the couping:

1. Hugs from both parents. My young mind could not understand the depths of a divorce, but it could understand the feeling of love... and every hug reminded me that I was. My mother would give us hugs almost every time our paths crossed. She was always present...like a security blanket that keeps you warm...never leaving your side. Dad on the other hand was random, kind of like the jackpot. Only the Lord really knew where he would disappear to, but, what I knew is that he would always come back... Magically appearing at the door. He would bend down low and Eli and I would run into his arms. Hugs from Dad was like filling up at the gas station. Right when I would feel as though I was riding on fumes, he would fill me up, reminding me to keep running strong.

2. Books about divorce. When Mom felt as though her words were not enough, she would buy children's books about divorce. They would help her point penetrate through our questioning brains. We would cuttle together on the couch and she would read books from the library. Than she would sneak in books such as Dinosaur's Divorce (my all time favorite). After, she would let us ask questions, and I would always feel better.

3. Writing in a journal. Yes, I know I was only four years of age, and could not really write out how I was feeling. But I did scribble until it eventually turned into words. I remember dancing around our front porch one morning, and stumbling upon a brand new pink and white journal. We lived in a split (double) house, and the journal was laying on the welcome mat, by the neighbors front door. Innocently, I thought God dropped this little treasure out of the sky for me, never for a moment thinking that maybe it belonged to the neighbor! As time went on, and Eli learned how to write cursive, he would circle the symbols in my scribble that could pass for letters. Soon, I was writing all by myself, and have continuously filled pages, notebooks, post-its and journals to the brim. At times I use words, but when those fail me, I resort back to the comfort of scribble; sometimes scribble make more sense to me than words... for, it is still a comforting outlet and an expression of my thoughts.

I would like to share three of my absolute favorite things in the WORLD:
1. Hugs
2. Books
3. Writing

Funny how life works...

In conclusion, I can say divorce (in my eyes) is just like a rug burn. Yes, it can really hurt. You may bleed a bit and just might be left with a scar, but you will heal in time, and life will go on. Yes, life will go on. Just like any situation, remember to always fill up our tank...for, it's the only was to keep running strong.

The beautiful journals above can be found on http://www.thevitrine.com/ ... they are on my ever growing wish list of goodies!!!

1 comment:

  1. Julianna,
    and I am very grateful to have had the opportunity to keep a running journal with you for the past 9 years. I feel as though this kept me connected with you even though it was painful at times. but we made it!
    love you



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