My wonderful friend Liza and I are moving into a new apartment soon. The apartment is beautiful and we are both excited to make a new home in our favorite city... but... a bit of my heart has been aching a little more than usual lately. When I was a little girl, I continuously told myself that I would live alone like a "big girl" one day. That day came; but, when I moved into my current apartment alone, with so many boxes and very limited space, an overwhelming angst came over me. 'how am I going to make a tiny apartment my warm and loving home, and how do I fit my stuff?'
As time past, clutter became organized, baskets became filled and life became clear once again. It was a years work in progress, but I have 'my space' just the way I like it...and now it's moving time.
At a sad moment, I sat on my bed with Ballou bear and a cup of tea. As I let myself sit in the sadness, a past memory warmly washed through my mind...
(on the telephone with my mother)
Mom: what are we going to do? our beautiful home has been taken from us, and I cannot fight for it any longer. It is just too painful and too hard for me. Are you mad at me?
Me: Mom, a house is just a house. It was a beautiful space because we made it that way. We made that house our home.
Mom: and now it's gone from us and I feel lost.
Me: Do not feel lost Mom. From now on, lets use the term home a bit differently. You will always and forever have a home, because we will always be your children, and we are your home...no matter where we may be standing.
Mom: True, but our old home was my space. It was the longest place I have stayed and lived in in my entire life, and I put my all into it. So much work, so many memories. I wanted to pass it along to another young family, so that they may grow, love and laugh in it.
Me: I know... I did too, but life allows us control on only so much. Sometimes, it is best to let go and let live. Sometimes, the Universe has interesting ways of sharing grace, and allowing for new beginnings. I think it is time for the next chapter. When you stop fighting against the flow of life, the beauty will come naturally. Take a turn on your path my beautiful mama. There are new experiences, new love, exciting adventures and other houses you can proclaim as your home.
Mom: Don't you miss our old home?
Me: Yes, I do miss our old house, but our home is still in my heart.
...And the sadness I was feeling before, washed out of me with the memory. The Universe works in wonderful ways. Maybe that conversation with my mother was not for my mother at all. Maybe that wisdom was actually a glimpse of resolution. And maybe...just maybe, it was a guiding light... shining for me. I have decided to pass it along, just incase it can help guide you.